Sunday, July 31, 2011

My Grandmother Sucks

I hate to do this on my blog, but I just have to get it out. I am so frustrated and saddened by my grandmother. Growing up, my sister and I always knew that for some reason, we came second in my grandmother's heart to our cousin Amanda. Amanda is actually our second cousin, so she's my grandmother's niece. I love Amanda like a sister, so it's never affected my relationship with her. I've usually just put up with my grandmother's crap, but it all has been really bothering me since CJ's first birthday party.

My grandmother walked into the party an hour early, and sat down and didn't help at all. She's not an old lady, she's a spry lady of 60. She could've at least offered. She proceeded to complain about everything, the heat, traveling, EVERYTHING. I didn't see her hold my son at all. Her husband couldn't get enough of him and my great-grandmother spent a lot of time holding him too. My grandmother was also bragging to my sister-in-law about all her diamonds that her husband buys her and going on and on about all the money she spends. So imagine my surprise when we open up the card for CJ from her and it is a $10 bill. I don't even mind that she gave him a $10 bill. It's the fact that she couldn't even take the time to go out and pick him up a present. I know for a fact she was at the mall the day prior shopping because she called my mom to complain that her macy's card wasn't working. My great-grandmother barely even leaves her house and she managed to buy him an outfit.

So then for the icing on the cake. My cousin Amanda is pregnant, which is awesome. I told her I'm going to throw her baby shower for her. So my grandmother tells me to let her know when it'll be so she can send some money to help pay for it. Are you kidding me?! Where were you at my baby shower? Why was my mom going out of her way to save up for my baby shower while you were sipping margaritas out by the pool? She was also talking about how she's going to spoil Amanda's baby, which again is fine, but why can't you even hold your grandson? Your grandson who is by the way, the most amazingly perfect and happy baby in existence.

So in the end, I'm just really irritated by the whole thing. I don't want him growing up wondering why his great-nana doesn't love him just like we wondered growing up. I'm going to write her a letter and tell her that she can either make her ONLY great-grandchild a priority in her life or she can choose not to have a great-grandchild in her life.

So what do you think? Am I being crazy and irrational? Or do you think how I feel is justified? Let me know! Pin It


  1. I can definitely understand how you're feeling and I think you're justified for it. It seems like she's going out of her way to show you how much more regard she has for Amanda than she does for you.

    My opinion (which may or may not mean much)is to write the letter to her, then let it sit for a day or two and look at it again with new eyes. I don't think you want her out of your life, so reading it with new eyes would help you see if you're coming across overly antagonistic.

    On a bit of a different subject, though not really, there's another blog I read that does a weekly meme and I think this post would be perfect for it. The blog is Things I Can't Say and the meme is Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday. The link for her meme roll is You may get a few more opinions coming over from some of the other Mommy Bloggers out there.

  2. Thanks for sharing your opinion Amber. I think that is a great idea to write the letter and then sit on it for a few days. At this point, I honestly don't think it would bother me to have her out of my life. We aren't close at all because of the way she's been towards me my whole life.

  3. I think you are being a little irrational. We all get that way when we are hurt by people that are or should be close to us. My advice is to write the letter but never send it. I think you should talk to her in person, but really think about what to say.

    My recommendation for having a constructive conversation is to not make threats, (like keeping your child out of her life), and instead start out with statements such as, "I feel hurt because I always thought...." Then give her time to respond and try to actually listen. She might not even realize what she's doing or realize that she's hurt you.

    At all costs avoid threats, promises, forced choices and accusations. Statements like, "You never...," are not likely to lead anywhere good. Make the conversation about how you feel and have been affected. I know you're hurt, and you have a right to be, but try to imagine why she is the way she is. If she's really a mean and terrible person, then nothing you say can change that, and you're wasting your time by even talking to her. If she's not mean and terrible, then the relationship can probably be saved, but you need to approach the situation delicately so that she doesn't respond in anger and tune out your valid point of view.

    I'm not any kind of expert, but I have been in your shoes before, and they are not comfy shoes to be wearing. Best of luck. -Hollychihuahua from Swap-Bot

  4. Thanks Lola. The problem with talking to her is that while she's not mean and horrible, she IS the most selfish person on the planet. I'm not just saying that, she is literally the most selfish person I have ever met. It is almost impossible to have a conversation with her because the entire conversation becomes ABOUT her. I think I'm just going to let things go and continue to only talk to her every once a blue moon. She lives down in Florida now and doesn't bother to ever call me. So unless I call her, we don't really talk. My mom, who was even more angry than I was at CJ's birthday party, said that she's going to talk to her about her behavior. She told me this before I told her how my grandmother has always made me feel. She just noticed the same behavior that I did at the party and doesn't understand how her mother can be so uncaring towards her eldest grandchild and only great-grandchild. Thanks again for your advice Lola. :)

  5. LOL, you sound A LOT like me. Yes, you sound crazy and irrational. However, like think it's totally justified. I honestly don't think it would make a difference if you say something to her or not. People like her will never change and are just a waste of your time.

  6. That's pretty much the decision I came too. Even if I did tell her how I felt, it wouldn't make a difference. Since she lives in Florida now I only have to see her maybe once a year. She never calls me so I don't even have to talk to her. It sucks that it has to be that way, but oh well. I have other people in my life who are wonderful and worth my time.


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